Dear McDonald’s, Why Is The Hamburglar Now a Hot Dad?

Hamburglars_NewMcDonalds

Yesterday, the food and fashion world was turned completely upside down when McDonald’s unveiled the brand-new and “totally hip” Hamburglar 2.0. Let’s meet this new, charismatic burglar of hamburgers, shall we?

OK, so just so we are all on the same page, the Hamburglar is now a (probably) hot dad who is physically capable of making his own hamburgers, but instead of eating the real food he is preparing for his attractive family, he would rather run away to grab some new circular foodstuff that McDonald’s has created, presumably without paying for it. From that first teaser trailer (I can’t believe we’re calling it that) we aren’t sure that Mr. Hotdad is the Hamburglar for certain, but his prison garb apron is a pretty good clue. I don’t know why his family wouldn’t spring for a “Kiss the Cook” number though, the bars seem kind of drab. This morning, McDonald’s confirmed everyone’s suspicions about the attractive burger-flipper’s more sinister secret identity.

He must really be a terrible supervillain, because his kid found him in his “cool” outfit almost immediately. Wait, what am I saying? He must be a really terrible supervillain because all he steals is hamburgers. Also, according to the McDonaldland Wikipedia entry, he’s pretty terrible at actually stealing burgers anyway. Side note: his full name is Hamilton B. Urglar.

McDonalds-Hamburglar-Close-Up-Shot-Two-1
Now that we know, for certain, that the Hamburglar is back haunting our streets, there are a few questions that should be answered by Mr. Urglar or the “brilliant” minds that gave the formerly cherubesque prankster this Party City makeover:

How do all of your clothes look wrinkled already? Wasn’t this a professional photo shoot?

Why would you put your family’s well-being at risk for a hamburger?

Did you know that the yellow stripe on your hat will make you easier to see? Will your piercing blue eyes make you easier to identify?

Did you ever actually do time for burgling hamburgers? If so, why would you continue to wear black and white stripes?

Are you afraid of being around for only a limited time?

Does so much polyester make you sweat? Does that interfere with your crime sprees?

Will there be a Batman v Superman style showdown between you and Ronald McDonald?

Can you actually speak now or do you only say “robble robble”? If so, does that make your marriage difficult?

Only time (or another couple of ads) will be able to help us on this existential journey. I’d give everything up just to be a fly on the wall of these ad meetings.

(via Slate)

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